Being an open book is a sign of unhealthy boundaries. If you reveal deeply personal info about your past too soon you’re waving bright red flags to the person you’re trying to endear to you. Be smart about when and how you reveal your past hardships.
There is a time and place for everything. The first few months of dating is supposed to be about having fun together and getting to know each other. However, the psychology of how you became who you are is not information anyone wants or needs until you have established that you’re going to be part of each other’s lives long-term. If you bring up sensitive subjects before you’re exclusively committed you could appear unstable and end the relationship.
I’m talking about topics such as sexual or physical abuse, family dysfunction, the difficult death of a loved one, rape, or any other violence or trauma that has affected you. Especially if you haven’t healed from it yet. These are all difficult conversations to have and should not be entered into casually. Most importantly, if you can’t talk about something without getting emotional it should never be broached in public or without warning.
Ideally, you should heal your issues before sharing them with your partner. Be careful you don’t expect your partner to rescue you. It’s not his responsibility to make it better. Your intention in telling should simply be to share the things you have struggled with. You will be much more attractive and lovable if you acknowledge your own stuff and behave like a survivor, not a victim.
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