The First 3 to 6 Months of a Relationship

DonnaBarnes A New Relationship Leave a Comment

The first six months of a relationship are the honeymoon phase. You’re blissfully happy and it feels like it will last forever. However, most couples never last past the first 3 to 6 months of a relationship. You have to protect your heart so you don’t get blindsided.

Many people are desperately searching for “the one”.  They hold onto hope, going on date after date, trying not to get frustrated or bitter, all the while wondering if it will ever happen for them. After all, it is really hard to truly connect with someone. So when you do find someone amazing it fulfills your most pressing need. It makes you happy — for a little while. Then your next unresolved issue has room to get your attention. Unfortunately, that’s frequently an unresolved issue from your childhood or a trauma. It may be subconscious but your behavior and feelings will begin to change. This usually happens somewhere between the three and six month point.

For example, people with commitment issues never have any signs until they find a great relationship, and experience feelings they’ve never felt before. If there was trauma or abuse in someone’s past it may be too painful to confront, so instead, they avoid it by focusing on finding a relationship. Insecurity or low self-esteem can also cause behavioral changes if you start to doubt how truly lovable you are.

If you feel yourself starting to change tell your partner how you’re feeling and take responsibility for why it’s happening. Don’t blame your partner. Don’t look for faults with him/her or the relationship. Subconsciously you’re looking for a valid reason to leave the relationship—to stop your pain. But if it was initially a good relationship with no real red flags then you’re the problem. Find a counselor to talk to or I’d be happy to help you. With help, you may be able to make your relationship even better.

If your partner is the one who is changing try not to take it personally. Stay empowered and don’t get needy. Let him know you are there if he wants to talk, and give him some space to sort out his feelings. However, if you’re no longer getting your needs met then it may be time to leave.

So if you’re in a relationship that seems great and you’re thinking this may be “the one” don’t get carried away with your fantasies of “happily ever after.” Enjoy every moment one at a time and keep your thoughts in the present. Absolutely do not get married before knowing each other at least a year, ideally two — especially if you’re 25 or younger. Relationships are easy when they’re right. Make sure yours is making you happy.