After a breakup I always ask my clients if they know what went wrong. Just about all of them can point to at least one thing that happened that foreshadowed their breakup, they just didn’t pay attention to those clues of bad behavior.
You can save yourself a lot of heartache and also time if you don’t disregard or make excuses for any kind of bad behavior. As soon as your partner does or says something that upsets you hold strong boundaries and don’t trivialize it. He will most certainly apologize and make it seem like it will never happen again. That’s only acceptable the first time. Hold him accountable and ask questions about how often that sort of thing happened in his past relationships. Make it absolutely clear that you will not tolerate that type of behavior; if it happens again you will be done with the relationship. Then make sure you hold true to your words, no matter how sincere their second apology seems.
I know that’s easier said than done when you have amazing chemistry and you think you’re falling in love. However, you need to believe in yourself. Trust that you will find that kind of connection again with someone better for you. In order to be a keeper you need compatibility, commonality, and good communication. NEVER settle for anything less.
Every relationship you have teaches you qualities that you want and don’t want in a partner. Pay close attention to the behaviors you don’t like, and make them your own personal red flags. As soon as you spot those red flags ask questions. If it’s something your partner has been working on and you’re willing to be patient then that’s up to you. Just make sure you’re getting your needs met and that you’re not being taken for granted. Don’t put up with multiple apologies for the same recurring behaviors — she’s not going to change.
People always do reveal their own quirks, issues, and faults with their behavior. Make sure you’re always paying attention, and respond appropriately. It will prevent you from getting into bad relationships, and help you know when you’ve found “the one”.