First Date or One Night Stand?

DonnaBarnes Dating Advice Leave a Comment

There is no guarantee to see each other again if you have sex on the first date. Are you ok with a one night stand?

If it’s going really well and you decide to have sex that first night, be really clear that you may be choosing a one night stand. If that’s not ok with you, then you need to wait.

Men’s and women’s brains are different. Women’s brains and left-handed men’s brains can think and feel at the same time. Right-handed men can only do one at a time. Women can fall in love and can process their feelings while in the company of a guy — making her feel connected enough to have sex. Right-handed men need to step back and take a break by himself to process his feelings — he may be hot enough to have sex with you, but then later not feel like seeing you again. So give your right-handed man that space to step back from thinking and switch to feeling before you have sex with him.

Women also have lots of oxytocin, the hormone that makes us feel all warm and fuzzy in romantic situations. The only time a man experiences the highly pleasurable effects of oxytocin is in a burst at the moment of orgasm. Therefore, when a woman has sex with a man on the first date his brain reaches its goal — that desirable burst of oxytocin. His chemical levels then return to normal. He may not be interested enough to pursue her again, regardless of how he was acting pre-orgasm. Meanwhile, the woman’s brain turns on super high oxytocin levels, and she definitely wants more. Don’t allow yourself to be that vulnerable if you can’t handle it being a onetime hookup.

Men who are ready for a relationship will take the time to get to know a woman. They’ll respect her and desire her even more. Of course, as men get older, they produce less testosterone so they can control their sexual urges better—especially if they’ve reached an age where they’re looking for a long-term, loving relationship.

If you’re both mature and you’ve discussed your life goals and you’re both on the same page, trust your instincts. Sex with someone you’re crazy about, who’s also crazy about you, is one of the best things in life. Just don’t go there until you know for sure that your partner is crazy about you. Make sure that that amazing chemistry is backed up with real feelings and that he or she is a great match for you.

I’m not saying that sleeping with someone on the first date automatically means it will be a one night stand. I’m not saying that your lover can’t be crazy about you and end up being the one. I’m just saying that that is definitely the exception. It’s not what men and women are biologically programmed to do.