Don’t Ask Don’t Tell When Dating

DonnaBarnes Dating Advice Leave a Comment

When you first start dating someone it is actually healthy to keep dating other people. It will help keep you grounded and prevent you from focusing all your energy on one person—which frequently causes unrealistic expectations and pushes him or her away.

When you have a great date with someone and you feel a connection don’t assume that means you’re now going to be exclusive. It’s too soon for that. You don’t really know each other yet. Instead, assume he or she is dating other people.

Then don’t ask don’t tell about who else you’re dating. Which means you can never ask, “What did you do last night?” It’s none of your business! If he did have a date you will have put him in a position to either lie to you (which is never good) or tell you something that you really don’t want to hear. So do both of you a favor by not asking.

Also, when you’re asking someone out on a date never ask, “What are you doing this weekend?” Again, it’s none of your business. Don’t fish for information, specifically ask for what you want. Say, “Would you like to have dinner Saturday night?”

When making conversation ask, “How was your week?” or “How was your weekend?” That leaves it up to them what they want to tell you. And if they just say, “It was good. How was yours?” Take that as your answer and don’t pry for details.

Of course, once you get into an exclusive relationship it is your business and you can ask. Just don’t get jealous and possessive. If you have been dating for longer than three months and you’ve been spending a lot of time together then it’s ok to ask about being exclusive. But until you have that conversation keep your options open and keep dating other people. And don’t ask don’t tell.

Read more about how to recognize bad behavior and how to create a healthy, long-lasting relationship in my book  Giving Up Junk-Food Relationships: Recipes for Healthy Choices