Know And Enforce Your Deal Breakers

DonnaBarnes A New Relationship Leave a Comment

People reveal themselves if you’re paying attention. So if you know and enforce your deal breakers it can be really easy to avoid heartbreak. Of course, that’s easier said than done when you’re really hot for someone.

As a breakup coach, I talk to a lot of heartbroken clients who when asked can identify red flags that their ex displayed. They just didn’t pay enough attention to them so they allowed themselves to get more attached then they should have. That’s a painful mistake. That’s why I’m urging you to make better choices.

Deal breakers are behaviors and personality traits that you can’t deal with in a relationship. Many deal breakers you don’t know don’t work for you until you experienced it, and didn’t like it. Those are the deal breakers that will be most important to you. Each relationship you have should get better and better because you’re learning more about who is truly right for you.

The more specific you make your list the better prepared you will be to find your person. The biggest one I see if you’re ready to get married and start a family. If that’s important to you that needs to be your biggest deal breaker. If you find out the person you’re dating doesn’t want, or even like kids then you need to end the relationship immediately. Do not hang in there hoping he or she will change their mind. They won’t! You don’t want to waste any time with the wrong person. That will only prevent you from finding someone who does want the same things as you.

The reverse is also true. If you know you don’t want kids then you shouldn’t get too close to anyone who does. No matter how attracted to someone you are, it’s selfish to waste their time, and it sets you up to ultimately have your heartbroken down the line.

If you google deal-breaker the definition is: “a factor or issue which, if unresolved during negotiations, would cause one party to withdraw from a deal.”

Requirements are things you absolutely can’t live without, and deal breakers are things you can’t live with. It is really helpful to hand write a list and refer to it every time you start dating someone new. When you become aware of a deal breaker behavior you can calmly ask your partner about it. It may be something he or she can change. Sometimes just making someone aware of what you need will make them want to make the change to make you happy. That’s the sign of a willing partner which is always a requirement for a happy relationship.

It always come down to having healthy boundaries and enforcing them at all times. You teach people how to treat you. If you do that and your partner doesn’t respect your boundary then you need to get out and look for a better fit for you. You should never adjust your deal breakers or requirements to fit the person you’re with. That won’t end up making either of you happy.

With the popularity of dating apps it’s easier than ever to meet new people. So there is absolutely no reason to hang on to someone you know isn’t right for you. Write in your profile what your primary requirements are to scare of the people that don’t want those things. You can save yourself a lot of precious time while also protecting your heart if you know and enforce your deal breakers.