Hooking up with someone you’re crazy about becomes lonely and frustrating if it doesn’t move forward and become a full relationship. Well, nothing changes if nothing changes; you need to stop having sex so you can get your other needs met.
You teach people how to treat you. By just hooking up with him you’ve have been teaching him that he doesn’t need to give you more to get your sex. You need to teach him that he needs to plan a full date with you in advance, and if he doesn’t, then he doesn’t get sex. Teach him that if he doesn’t plan a date with you at least once a week, then he doesn’t get to have sex with you.
Here is what I suggest to mean more to him:
- Never agree to get together just for drinks unless it was planned at least 24 hours in advance.
- If he texts to meet up at the last minute resist temptation and decline but suggest another night. Or, get together but ABSOLUTELY NO SEX that night. Tell him you weren’t expecting to get together and you need to get up early.
- DO NOT sit home waiting to hear from him. Get out, date other people, and do not hold your schedule open or cancel plans to see him.
- Invite him to do relationship type things: offer to cook a meal, invite him out with your friends, suggest an activity or day outing. But if he always declines your invites then dump him, you’re just a hookup.
Most importantly, if you’re not getting your needs met then never settle for just having sex — no matter how mind-blowing it is. You need to value yourself for more than just great sex. You deserve more than that! Giving of yourself without getting in return will ultimately damage your self-esteem. You truly do not want to waste any more time with anyone who doesn’t recognize how amazing you are, as an entire package to be a partner in a true relationship.
Learn more about creating a healthy relationship and enforcing healthy boundaries in my book Giving Up Junk-Food Relationships: Recipes for Healthy Choices.