Do you fall in love easily? When you first start dating someone do you go “all in” and decide this is the person for you? Regardless of any actual compatibility between you, do you feel grateful he or she is showing interest in you? If you feel like you’re falling in love by the end of the first week or weekend together you need to slow down your thinking and get a hold of reality, before you break your own heart.
Your imagination is not your friend in relationships. You’re not supposed to start fantasizing about the wedding as soon as you meet a great catch, but if you’ve been alone for a while it’s really hard to resist. However, you’re sabotaging your chances of making that fantasy your reality. You have to keep your thoughts on your current reality. Focus on what is immediately in front of you and take it at face value.
As you start to see more of each other and your feelings begin to deepen, it’s imperative to remain in the present. If you start imagining the relationship to be more than it is, you’ll throw it off balance. You don’t want to feel like you’re already in love while your partner is still getting to know you and deciding. Your behavior will support your feelings and you’re likely to impose unrealistic expectations. That kind of wishful thinking frequently causes you to misinterpret your partner’s behavior to be something that it’s not, opening yourself to potential heartbreak. You may loosen your boundaries and overlook any junk-food flags that should be telling you whether or not you’re right for each other. And you’ll be waving flags to your partner that you’re high-maintenance, needy, or maybe even emotionally unstable.
Even if your partner is saying, “I love you,” within the first few weeks of meeting you keep your head on straight. Don’t allow him or her to rush you. All sorts of issues cause people to rush into relationships quickly. You can avoid getting hurt if you take your time and get to know each other before expressing feelings of love.
If you need more help recognizing what you’re doing wrong or finding who could be right for you I offer personal coaching. You’ll also find more help in my book: Giving Up Junk-Food Relationships: Recipes for Healthy Choices