Falling in love is exciting. When you think you’ve found “the one” its fun to fantasize about walking down the aisle together. Nonetheless, if you haven’t celebrated your twenty-fifth birthday yet you should not actually plan the wedding — or worse, go through with getting married.
Recent research has found that the Brain’s reasoning and decision-making center doesn’t finish developing until age twenty-five. So any life decisions you make prior to the full maturation of your Brain you may very possibly change your mind about.
As a relationship coach, many of my clients come to me in their 40’s or 50’s after getting divorced from a spouse who was wrong for them. Most of them tell me they knew they had made a mistake but they stayed because of the kids. When I ask how old they were when they got married just about all of them say they were age 25 or less.
I actually think waiting till thirty to get married is smartest. Get your education, grow your career, and date a lot of people. You come into your own more as you turn 30 because you had time to learn what you like and don’t like. Dating different people teaches you a lot about who is actually right for you. You don’t usually know what you don’t want until you have it and don’t like it. Knowing what you don’t like is extremely important.
So what do you do if you’re younger than twenty-five and you think you met “the one”? First, make sure your choice can pass the following checklist.
Qualities of a “keeper”:
- Makes you feel loved
- Communicates well
- Cares about your feelings and desires, and meets your needs
- you have common values, goals, beliefs, and lifestyle
- you have the freedom to pursue all your interests and attend social events
- You work out your problems effectively without screaming or violence
- There is no substance abuse or addiction
- The relationship is balanced, you’re not giving more than you’re getting
- Your friends and family approve (they usually see things you don’t)
If you can check off each and every one of the above characteristics than you may have found “the one”. However, sometimes you meet the right person at the wrong time. Timing really is everything. Frequently it’s best to break up and explore life on your own; if you’re truly right for each other you’ll find your way back to each other.
“If you love something set it free, if it comes back to you it’s yours, if not it never was.”
There is no need to be in a hurry. There are many benefits of waiting to get married.
- It’s easier and much less complicated to break up than to get a divorce.
- You very well may meet someone better for you.
- Having children at an early age can prevent you from reaching your full potential.
- Getting divorced with children can restrict where you live, work, and travel.
The more you know about yourself the better you’ll know who’s right for you. And the later you wait to get married the better chance you have of actually making it till death do us part.